self proclaimed drama queen

new journal

2004-07-07T06:20:46Z

www.livejournal.com/~handgunloveloss

punkrockandp0rn @ 2004-06-15T16:27:00

2004-06-15T21:16:10Z

i never write anymore. i have lots of thoughts, and lots of feeling to express. but i feel as if i cant in here, so i just keep them inside. somehow what i feel will affect someone, will affect tim, and make him hate me. how i feel will hurt someone no matter what. how i feel hurts me. im leaving for georgia on thursday. almost like im running away from something, or running to something. the only thing im running away from is someone thats not even in texas.

i will be in florida thurs through probably sunday. im scared of what will happen. i might go see the bled tomorrow night, maybe with sebastian, because, well hes cool. i got my hair redone, maybe ill take pictures sometime.

call me for moral support. 912 604 4940

i <3 hawthorne heights. post script.. me and lisa have a stalker.

punkrockandp0rn @ 2004-06-06T22:35:00

2004-06-07T03:45:54Z

in the last week or so i have:

locked the keys in my car

went to alexisonfire,silverstein,hawthorne heights, and emery. emery and hawthorne heights are amazing. alexis on fire sucks live, and the singer in annoying.

got my new piercing cuz im a bad ass

been working a lot

got a new bad ass sprint phone. (new number: (912) 604-4940)

my sisters down, and me and marisa are packing and getting ready to go to georgia

got a highfive from a bum in deep ellum

been happy and not been letting things stress me out. thanks effexor.

cute.

punkrockandp0rn @ 2004-05-30T16:16:00

2004-05-30T21:11:24Z

welp. nothin much has been goin on. we went to eat in dallas at on the border then we went to deep ellum cuz me and marisa were going to get piercings. yeah.. my id got confiscated. so that sucked ass. but on a happy note, my mom said she might take me for my bday. YEAH.

ok heres pics.

me being hardcore in the car

me and misa
lmao marisa wearing calebs skate helmet pretending to be retarded

me and misa outside mi casa

my piercing yo

oh yeah whitney i dont even know your fagget ass cell phone number, and why would i call and say your a whore, thats stupid.

andgunloveloss (4:00:28 PM): cute?
handgunloveloss (4:01:05 PM): baby?
Andreaisonfire (4:01:17 PM): very
handgunloveloss (4:01:45 PM): did you call me a ugly orange skelton?
Andreaisonfire (4:02:15 PM): no
Andreaisonfire (4:02:22 PM): what the hell?
Andreaisonfire (4:02:23 PM): haha
Andreaisonfire (4:02:26 PM): hell no
Andreaisonfire (4:02:34 PM): which side did you want the monroe baby?
handgunloveloss (4:02:43 PM): left.
handgunloveloss (4:02:53 PM): you didnt say that to whitney?? what about penny babe?
handgunloveloss (4:03:12 PM): i was just gonna switch out like my lip ring and the monroe.. like only wear one at a time

handgunloveloss (4:07:54 PM): i just want to know, i dont want drama bullshit/
Andreaisonfire (4:08:21 PM): no i didn't
Andreaisonfire (4:08:25 PM): half this shit she makes up

punkrockandp0rn @ 2004-05-28T01:23:00

2004-05-28T06:29:46Z

lol me and puppy

our gross pic lol

ok um not much has been going. graduation tomorrow. maybe birthday stuff sat, not sure yet?

i love payton for what he does for me, and sticking up for me. by far coolest freshmen i ever met.

me and marisa hang out all the time and what not, her voice mail says i probably cant get to my phone right now because im with millie, shes my life, so leave me a message and ill call you back. lol

livejournal is becoming overrated, like highschool drama.

but it helps when im being emo.

this time ive got nothin to say beside do do do do

2004-05-24T23:13:48Z

me and marisa are cuter than you.

this weekend was pretty fun. we hung out with joel,bryan,and james. it made me and marisa talk about how they were automatically our best friends no matter what. bryan and shelby broke up... its funny. me and bryan were walking around and pretending we were cat dog, it was hilarious. joel took a pic but i dunno where it is.

we went to the coffee place i might be working at.. it was so fucking good. orgasm.

sometime during this weekend we went swimming, and i ate a piece of salad and it made me throw up. i also talked to muh babers.

anyone who is wanting to go to my bday thing this weekend tell me yo.

you look so good in blue

2004-05-20T21:04:46Z

i went to on the border last night. mission was not accomplished. but will be. i saw a lot of old friends there so that was nice.

lets see i talked to tim a lot tues night. then yesterday, and last night. then he called me at oh 6 this morning, gave me a lecture about stealing, lol told me he loved me and went to school. then he called me about 10 when he got out of school, and we got back together, big suprise.

i have the sweetest boyfriend in the whole world. :) happy baby?

me and tims shoe kissing pic

i think payton might stay the night friday because he wants to... visit. yeah. he misses me. and he prob thinks marisa is hot.. lol

im glad my best friends are back, i missed them. tim is worried about me "why are you so sexual with your cousins, its starting to get disturbing" lol we arent really cousins duh.

punkrockandp0rn @ 2004-05-19T16:07:00

2004-05-19T20:55:01Z

i really am gonna post a lot of pics.(i put allllll my old pics on photobucket.) but first i guess ill talk a little. lol yesterday was cool, we went to the mall, then ang went to tommys and me and marisa went out to eat with caleb. i miss him, hes seriously the sweetest person. we talked about what we are going to do for my bday and we are going to go to the time machine. its this cool place where the waiters dress up as a characted and the rooms have themes like alice in wonderland, and just things like that. its suppose to be really fun. then we came home and i talked to timmah for a while. i got wills hoodie back, ang and marisa stole it and took it to cali. then today i went and talked to the lady about my job at the coffee shop, YEAH. that job will rock if i get it. *laughs* me and marisa might go to rockwall tonight, on a mission. paytons giving me a new snake to. bad ass! paypay ill buy your punch tonight!(paytons gonna punch his ears and im gonna watch then throw up when they bleed)
call me! (843) 296 3318

Alexisonfire,Emery,Silverstein - June 4th
Northstar - June 23
Warped tour - June 26
Armor For Sleep, Fallout boy - July 11

im really proud of those 2 pics, cuz it wasnt really safe to take pics due to the "hardcore-ness" of the show.. lmao

fallout boy

mbr.. my boyfriend.. shutup payton who cares if he has a bald spot

matchbook romance

hottttt... pete from fob

better cropped image of me, lol

me being gay :)

me and avon a while back i love this pic

tattoo

old pic of marisa and steven. lol wtf

will and calebs ass

caleb

me and ang look alike... so imma start using her id :)

ang and misa
<img

start angry, end mad

2004-05-18T04:46:05Z

man. oh man. moneen.. man oh man. they are still the best band live, ever.

badass show. eh yes.. i drove home from jacksonville. crazy. i got my pics developed from fallout boy and senses fail a long time ago, ill scan some tomorrow.

im so tired. i got to see my favorite best friends. yay. back from cali. went to paytons, got some materials, my ears are now stretched bigger than prob anyone on here bia. ok well yeah.

snuck my snake on the airplane, that was awesome.

bitch know if i ever see your god damn face again, i will fucking kill you.

tomorrow me and marisa are going to mesquite to check on jobs, plus buy things. here are moneen pics, imma post a shit load of pics tomorrow, maybe.

i love you you know

hottest thing ive ever seen

the end result of a bottle of rum.

punkrockandp0rn @ 2004-05-16T11:15:00

2004-05-16T15:27:29Z

to whom it may or may not concern,bitches who think tim loves them who have never met him, people who want to sign my journal anoymously, and my bad ass friends:

oh man oh man. i love internet drama. ofcourse i thought the drama would stop when i graduated highschool. but i guess not.

to anoymous poster #1: if tim doesnt love me, he needs to stop telling me he does, making plans for me to move in, and writing things about me. he also needs to stop making plans to marry me.

alright then. people who are choosing to start things with me, get over it. tim doesnt love you, you dont even know him. not only that but he tells about 7 different internet girls he loves them. find a real boyfriend.

basically thats all.. check out tims profile.
http://profile.myspace.com/users/3491351
yeah check out his journal entrys, and all the stuff written, it was written YESTERDAY.

-----------------------------------------

yesterday was bad ass. i went to this gay get together thing with my sister. but i swam and got more tan. i got a mouse to feed my snake. my sister tried to get me to give my number to the snake guy, i had to apologize for her drunkness. then we went home and watched my snake eat. yeah badass. then we got this bright idea to go to the haunted cemetary thing where like 2 people that signed the decleration of independence are buried and a lot of weird things happened but i dont feel like writing it all.

i wanna post pics.. yeah.

mouse that my snake ate

me hiding

me

ill post more later this is taking to long.

punkrockandp0rn @ 2004-05-15T02:06:00

2004-05-15T06:14:55Z

man oh man. im so hungry. theres nothing to eat here.. theres only beer.

if i end up going to jacksonville with them i guess we are leaving tomorrow morning, i guess im not going to see tim.

(woohoo tiger army on sat, moneen, northstar sunday YEAH)

thursday me and tim had a longgg talk. i made him explain a lot of things to me, and i explained things to him. like its not fair to just fuck with people, especially just because im not there. everythings worked out.

ill prob go there sometime next month, i cant move in till end of july. i have to take this gay test thing.

it lonely sleeping alone. i hate it. its cold and something about its depressing. i want to fall asleep in his arms again.i miss him.

i love you, you know.

man oh man

2004-05-13T04:57:08Z

today was pretty uneventful cept for the trip to the tattoo place

i think i found a car i can take from jacksonville to pensacola. (score)

well driving 5 hours by myself wont be score but yeh.

i guess we will leave after their work friday, about 5, get to jacksonville about 7, then ill leave and get there at like 12 or 1. whatever im sure ill fall asleep on the way and die.

i ate at waffle house, i now want to throw up.

when i was 13 i wasnt having sex, much less with numerous guys. man oh man.

sex is sickening.

turn the radio up and will sing..

2004-05-11T18:03:01Z

this weekend im going to see tiger army in jacksonville on sat, then moneen and northstar on sun. yay.

stayed up late talking to tim.

im glad im not a whore that guys just use me for sex. im glad im not thought of as an object just to have sex with.

(fuck you)

so florida again this weekend, badass.

rachael is getting to warped tour at like 5am, what a crazy girl. so we are going to cut in line with her. ill pay her back with mcdonalds.

its cold and rainy here. im gonna go to taco bell now because im addicted.

i love.

so lemme take the wheel and ill crash this car

2004-05-10T14:24:59Z

-i got a new cell phone so everyone feel more than welcome to call me 843-296-1994, if i dont answer leave a voice mail sometimes the service sucks :( -

i never write anymore mainly because i was never really on the computer. but i just got out of the shower and i had a flood of emotions while i was in the shower and just thought about a bunch of things. basically about tim and the phone call last night. i am happy he finally realized he missed me, and called me. i wasnt expecting that call. he feels like he is losing me and he was worried. he said he loves me more than anything and ask me if i still felt the same. ofcourse i feel the same. feelings that strong dont just change over a month even if sometimes i wish they could. i do love you and i always will no matter what happens. you have to understand its hard for me to trust you when i find the things i find out. i know you love me, and i know other girls dont mean shit to you. i know. its still annoying and i let it get to me. you dont put 2 years of your life towards something with someone just to throw it away. but i am scared.i know i have hurt you, but the one time i hurt you can not possibly amount to the numerous things things you have done to me. you always make me feel guilty, even when it is something you have done. i feel guilty for the other girls, because i know it wouldnt have happened if i was there. but i shouldnt feel guilty. im scared to move in with you. i want to, dont get me wrong. but its scary to move somewhere where i would know anyone except you. my sister wants me to move in with her. i know you would get mad. i know you will if i do. you get mad about a lot of the decisions i make. i dont agree with some you have made. i am considering moving in with her. i could drive and see you all the time. i dont know if i will. i dont know what will happen. i could stay here until you graduate. will see. im just scared about being hurt over and over. but i do love you. you know i do. i lost my virginity to you. you are the first guy ive ever loved. it will all work out baby.

alright. that was mostly to tim so yeah. i got a new snakey snake. i went to the beach and got red bumps all over my legs from where i guess the salt got in where i had shaved. so i rubbed sand on my legs to get rid of the burning. that must have been a sight. i love the ocean. i love the cheesy gordita crunch from taco bell. i got my warped tour tickets. 6/24 warped tour--its gonna be fun.. well its gonna be HOT 7/11 fallout boy i might come back to georgia too and go to warped tour in august(in jacksonville). yeah bia. i went to florida a few weekends ago, its pretty nice there.

baby i love you

punkrockandp0rn @ 2004-04-26T00:05:00

2004-04-26T04:06:38Z

i love you.

i do.

i dont love when you feed lines to other girls.

you are perfect.

i love everything about you baby.

tim..

i love

everybody here is life in fear of falling outta line

2004-04-14T03:34:51Z

im done. finished. highschool bullshit is over beeotch. thank god im done with that shit. thank you for a pointless 12 years of my life school.

i like how in california ocean is really cold and freezing , but then you go numb and it feels cool. i saw the roller coaster thing on mission beach on tv on real world, it made me sad. its weird how the beach is windy and cool. i wonder if the water is warm in florida.

im talking to timmah right now. i miss his mommy a lot. i miss him too. i cant wait to be there. i dont miss his fag brother. damien youre an ass.

tonight im writing you a million miles away

2004-04-13T03:05:17Z

man. new layout. everyone get off your friends page and look at it. marilyn monroe is so classy, as opposed to britney spears. i am sick due to the wonderful texas weather. thank you for changing drastically with no warning. i am leaving for georgia thursday to see the sister. it should be fun, nice break from quinlan. then to florida. tim fell asleep with me on the phone. cute.(sitting listening to him breathe)

newest sf set list :)

punkrockandp0rn @ 2004-04-11T01:45:00

2004-04-11T06:42:56Z

god. i never write. nothing has happened. i hate quinlan so much. just everything about it. i like dallas a lot though, and i will miss it. hellboy was a homosexual movie. Tim is flying down like around the 8th, prob the 6th-10th and we are going to go see a static lullaby, and imma sex him up, no just kidding. i have been thinking about lots of things lately, it sucks when i start thinking. i hate where thinking gets me. but i love you. i love you so much. i got my ears stretched more in a tattoo shop. it was sort of painful, but not that bad.

me and my cousin today

ears new 0's

this pic mad me come to realization that i was a mother fucking pimp

dunno

fuck you you fucking fuck

I wont forget the day that, that I found god In a kitchen knife now, inked on my arm.

2004-04-06T02:32:35Z

this is side one flip me over i know im not your favorite record

2004-04-04T21:23:55Z

i havent written in a long time. nothing happens. im pissed at tim but he doesnt know it yet. went to fallout boy and matchbook romance. good show. much better than yellowcard. i think i am starting to not like matchbook romance as much. maybe it was just all the fagget crowd surfers. i almost got in another fight, due to the girl behind me during fallout boy yelling "pete i love you" and touching me. i didnt like it. um payton left me in the front and went to the back and saw a girl not crying during fob but doing the motions and like i dunno gay. being a crazy obsessed girl. the merch guy from fob is real nice. i got a discount. my face got stepped on. i flipped the guy from mest off during matchbook romance.. for whitney. oh and there was a lot of oi chanting during this one band and i thought of you whit. my fav asian:) senses fail on thursday. be there or be square. church... im sure. peace bitches. i heart fallout boy. chicago soft core.

here i added pics

hey look tim in not a fat ass like that stupid sam bitch
ok so waiting outside me and payton had damn near 100 fortune cookies and i got this one... and it says his or whatever and i was like what.. who.. and payton was like tim duh.. aw.

Don't know what I was looking for when I went home, I found me alone

2004-03-30T22:32:21Z

Another sunny day in Californ-i-a
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance, before you get a chance to feel it

i slowly walked away from my life in a san diego airport.i was wearing your rash guard, cheer shorts, and sandals. i had to fight my tears and pretend i was ok. i was trying to be strong. i kept walking, all the way down the long, carpeted hall. i kept turning and looking back at you. when i think about it i dont know how i had enough strength to walk away from you. it seemed like i walked forever.i wanted so bad to run back to you, and i would have if i knew what was going to happen in the months to come.when i got home i didnt eat. i was never hungry, and you were all i thought about.i took nyquil almost everday to sleep it away. i would call you and cry religously. my parents finally got sick of it and i moved in with angela and marisa. things slowly got worse for us, and the words could no longer make it right. we were falling apart.after a month or so, i realized that i wasnt happy without you. and slowly, we were getting back to where we were.it has taken a lot of time, and tears, but i think its perfect again, and perfection is going to get even better really soon.

i love you.

and I'm out of my fucking mind and I know you're next to me but I must confess what's in my head.

2004-03-28T02:45:12Z

im listening to wonderful saves the day
angela called, she had to put an end to
my bliss. i almost didnt miss them as much.
she was like we miss you so much. when are you
going to move here. me and marisa think it would
be more like home if you were here. i told her
probably never because i am moving in the with
tim. god this isnt fair i shouldnt be forced to
chose between my boyfriend and best friends.
but i guess i already did. no matter what the
fucking boring nights with our friend in our
house wont be the same. i will never forget
those fun times, but i know that they will
never be the same. i hate change.i dont
understand. i made a picture because it is
my therapy. :)

punkrockandp0rn @ 2004-03-26T23:55:00

2004-03-27T05:46:04Z

shows i will be attending
31st thrice/poison the well
3rd fallout boy/matchbook romance
8th senses fail/rufio

it has been confirmed i will be moving in with tim. i also will be the maid, but i dont know how long that will last. lol also confirmed that i am one tan beast.

punkrockandp0rn @ 2004-03-25T15:02:00

2004-03-25T21:14:44Z

we and got there at 4:30 and were first in ticket line.. how hardcore is that? lmao

wow. went to a sold out show with no ticket. payed 25 dollars for ticket. waited in cold/rain. got inside to be placed between fat girl and bitch girl. saw some new zealand band.. i will call them pop punk meets kid rock. i didnt like it but payton did. yellowcard came on. they kinda sucked it up. but i still love them. they played avondale,october nights,only one, and back home. then some other newer type things. no rough draft. :(

got out of inbetween fat girl and bitch girl and went to the bathroom. that was a very odd experience. i have never spent that much money in a bathroom.

something corporate came on and played hurricane. yay i knew that song. then a bunch of songs i didnt know. fat girl from beside me is now out of the crowd and behind us fucking BAWLING.. yeah she was crying because it was something corporate. yeah tim was right about the fat emo kids crying.
worst show i have ever been too...

highlights:

girl going "omg thats the drummer from yellowcard" payton saying "hes black.."(cuz it wasnt the drummer) she was like "what does that matter" payton goes "um the drummer from yellowcard is black" "oh"

payton telling me i had to remember it was a different crowd and more of a "bitchy" mosh pit.. lol wtffffff

crying girl

girl with plastic dinosaur.. wtf

bathroom lady

realizing how hardcore me and payton really are

yeah we are kidding dummys

--anyway here are like random pics that i got off my cam with like 3 from last night. tim i love you. payton we are hardcore.

something corporate guy on his piano.. i could take pics of yc last night cuz i was in the front and being squished

me n hottie ryan from yc.. payton says hes goofy
the most hardcore kids youll ever meet.. *sigh*

pic of buddy from senses fail like a longgg time ago
matchbook romance
yellowcard at galaxy long ago when they didnt suck it up

And all I know is you are cute when you scream.

2004-03-24T03:16:26Z

i really have nothing for today. i went to school, and tanned. im so close to graduating. new senses fail-fuckin..so amazing

senses fail represent :)

dunno

muh fishy!!
dunno again but i cant wait to dye my hair